Sunday, November 18, 2012

Simply The Best

I have found that K-pop fans and Whovians all have one thing in common.
Steam Powered Giraffe.
I don't know how or why this is true. Perhaps it's because they are all amazing things to be loved and adored. In my new found love of SPG, I went in search of fandom connections and found that so many people have these three things in common;
A love for K-pop, Doctor Who and Steam Powered Giraffe.

"Epic and so cool."

A series of writings

Like the title says, I will be giving you some of the things i've written, and yes, they're all copywritten. If anyone is reading, I hope you enjoy the things i've written.

Some have titles but many of them don't. There is even a song that, to me, sounds very country...and I hate country music. So, without further ado....

Darkness Revealed

Raining, Raining,
On my head.
Raining, Raining,
Inside i'm dead.

Thunder, Lightning,
Inside my brain.
Crashing, Falling,
There's so much pain.

Cursing, Staring,
No one's there.
Smashing, Hating,
Blood everywhere.

Gasping, Drowning,
Darkness prevails.
Bleeding, Burning,
Now it hails.

Twisting, Screaming,
Blood on my skin.
Thrashing, Peircing...
It's Raining again

One Day

Can you see me?
Do you need me?
I sit and wonder,
If it'll be much longer,
Before you break my heart in two.

I need you to see me,
Need you to hear me,
Before I fall into darker skies.
I loved you madly,
and you treated me badly.

But here I am again with you,
There I go talking to you,
Here I go, still loving you,
But dont you see...

I need you to see me,
I need you to free me,
I need you to BE me,
For just one day...

So you can sit in your room
While fighting the dark.
Walk through the day and pull away
From everything and everyone you know.....

For just one day....
So I can finally say,
I'm Leaving the prison
you've locked me in,
I'm shoving you inside it,
Take the key and I'll hide it....
And just walk away


Wind in my hair, sorrow in my eyes.
Thinking of the past,building my disguise.
Sitting on the waters edge, feeling nothing but the sand beneath my bare and naked feet.

I look for my reflection,there is nothing I can see.I look upon the water,for some fading hope of light.All that lies is the future,and something not quite right.
Heartbreak and corruption,they seem to lead the way.I look upon the sand behind me,
where fear and rejection lie.
Where once there was love,now there is only hate.

Broken hearts and broken dreams,
they surround me every day.I seem to be the strong one, but that is just a lie.
I seem to others a morning glory,
a vision to partake.
What they don't see with their own eyes,
is that it's all a big mistake.


A Hush fell over the crowd.
Then a light went out and screams were heard that
sounded as if they came from the ends of the earth.
The beat of the music went on,
But her heart did not.
She laughed and danced
and had a wonderful time,
or so it is im told....
But how, I scream, when she wasn't even that old,
could she be taken so very far away,
From me, from the world, from life.
I try to think of happy things,
but all of those are gone now.
She was my everything and now i'm lost without her.
All that's left are memories,
but it doesn't seem like those are enough.
I long to hear her silly laugh,
to feel her arms around me.
I want her here,
I want her back with me,
But this I know,
is never meant to be.
The only thing to do now is ride out each day,
and hope that one day, a hush will fall over the raging,
wailing, screaming, suffering and suffocating anguish in my heart..

Copywrite>Karen Edwards

Monday, November 12, 2012

Sunday, November 11, 2012

So what happens now?

I don't know who I am anymore.
I lost myself almost 7 years ago.
When she died, so did I, in a way. I feel so empty and lost and alone. Nobody reads my blog, so what harm will come of me posting my feelings. Nobody is there to hear me, to comfort me, to dry these tears that come nearly every day. I don't even tell my best friends how I feel.
It feels like I was forced onto a bullet train to nowhere and when I came out the other end, I wasn't me anymore. I had been transformed into some empty shelled, robotic version of myself. Many days I wake up, wishing that I hadn't. There are other things that contribute to these feelings.
I don't have a family of my own. No significant other, no children, and I think I never will. My sister has her own family. Married with children, three of which are adults now and two of those are starting lives of their own. It's not something that anyone does on purpose, but I feel so, left out, forgotten.
I try to reach out, into the vastness of the world and when I pull my hands back, they're empty. Always empty. I drag myself from my bed and put on my mask, every single hate-filled day. I smile and laugh when expected to. I never let anyone see behind the facade. But sometimes I feel the cracks grow and i'm terrified that people will see, so I stuff them full of things. Things that make me forget, even if only for a short while, that i'm so lost, empty, hollow. And no, alcohol and drugs aren't either of those things.
Abusing substances doesn't solve anything.
I used to write, mostly poetry. I don't think I was ever really that good at it, but I kind of miss it. I haven't written anything in these last six and a half years. I stare at the screen, or the paper...and it just stares right back at me, mocking me with its emptiness.
I used to be expressive. I was never outgoing or happy go lucky, but I wasn't this thing that i've become.
The only thing that I currently use to fill my time is listening to music. It helps numb the pain, if only for a very short while. I've never been musically gifted in any way, but it lets me let go, without judging me. Without leaving me behind. Without letting go of my hand. But at the end of the day, the music ends and there's nothing left but me and my ever tormenting thoughts.
No, im not suicidal.
Sometimes I'm just tired of existing, especially when it feels like there's point.

If anyone does read this. Don't flip out and call the looney bin on me. Don't ask me if i'm okay. Don't get in my face and insist I get help. I'll only tell you to fuck off and mind your own business.
I'm a bottler. It's the only coping mechanism I have.
I'm just venting, so please, don't form an intervention for me.
If you want to offer kind words of love and encouragment, by all means, give them to me. Kind words of love and encouragment, without the hint of "oh man, she's really lost her marbles".
Right now I just want to be left alone with my K-pop and Steam Powered Giraffe.
You heard me.

Steam. Powered. Giraffe.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Eat Your Kimchi.....seriously.

Okay so, I recently discovered the fandom of
It's this canadian couple, living in Korea, that do videos on everything from korean culture in everyday life, to Kpop.They also have three Youtube channels:

and a facebook:

They have a HUGE following, called The Nasties, and im happy to say that im now one of them.
Now, of course, like I've said before, im older than pretty much everyone in the Kpop following, so while im all about these guys, my fandom is more laid back and not so much "OMGIMINLOVEWITHEVERYTHINGKPOP" in your face. Unless im spazzing out a tiny bit because a new song has been released and I manage to sucker someone I know into listening to it and then find out they actually kinda like it.
Anyway, EYK rocks. Anyone that stumbles onto this blog should definately check them out.
I mention them because, well...hello, awesomesauce and two, it leads me to
Now, I suppose if I were like, 16, this would seem like an awesome event and some of the things they have planned do look pretty cool, but I cant help feeling underwhelmed and a little disappointed. For one, it WOULD be cool to go, BUT... the groups they have announced I either havent heard of, or I really dont like them. The other thing is, the event is next month and they still havent revealed all of the guests and panels which, to me, seems like poor planning. I guess im used to star trek and Buffy cons that have pretty much all the details hammered out and announced several months in advance. Also, anyone who REALLY knows me, knows that I cannot stand things that have a lack of information. I need dates, times, places and itineraries, not overall generalities. It just drives me absolutely batshit when I go somewhere and there is just NO information.
So again, I mention EYK because...they are going to be there and it would be pretty cool to meet them. If not for them posting about the Kcon, I would have never known about the event at all.
I do kinda hope they do another Kcon, maybe next year? And hopefully with better guests and even more so, a better set-up of their site because the way it is now, it makes me feel like were I to attend, i'd be walking around clueless as to where to go and when, frantically searching for events and praying I didnt miss anything because no information was posted anywhere.

Anyway, Kcon aside, you should really check out Eat Your Kimchi.
Simon and Martina are awesome!

Saturday, September 1, 2012

The Doctor is In!

Oh my goodness! It's a new season of Doctor Who with a new opening sequence and everything.
While Matt Smith isnt MY doctor, he's still The Doctor. It took me a while to get used to him but I think he's doing a good job in the role.
Anyway, i've been really anticipating the new season, having had to wait so long between seasons. Let me just say, it didn't disappoint at all.
The proper amount of tears and relief and more tears were had.
There were a few cheesy things and the ending was a little bit predictable at the end. Actually I kinda had a plot point figured out before the ending, but it was still just as sad.
All in all, I loved it and I can't wait for next week!

Sunday, August 26, 2012


so it's been in the high 80's this week. we've been getting by without any a/c running, but tonight...tonight we will be having a/c...because my freaking bedroom fan died!
tomorrow I have to look at fans, if we even have the kind I want. it's back to school and all the college students are buying up EVERYTHING!
have I ever mentioned how much I hate college kids?
that's another blog altogether!

Thursday, August 16, 2012

A little troubling

So recently I just started playing a game on facebook called songpop. its cute. you have to listen to song and either name the song or the artist in a challange against your friends. you also earn coins and points. I just earned enough coins to buy the kpop category and I was so happy. But then a strange thing happened. My non kpop listening friends, were beating me at my own category. How is this even possible? It's a timed game, so they cant pause and google. What happened, I realized, is that I dont know as much kpop as I had thought.
So im sitting here realizing that, I really only like a select few groups. Does that even really make me a kpop fan? And some of the groups I DO like, I dont even know all of their songs. This has all made me feel like a horrible kpop fan, wondering if im even worthy enough to be called a kpop fan.
It could be said that, where I live, there isnt much in the way of even getting my hands on kpop. I have gotten some cd's from the library, but its not a huge collection they have. There is the internet, but even sometimes that is limited as well.
Then again, as i've said before, im not a teenager. When I was one, I knew all the top hits, the american ones of course, seeing as kpop didnt exist in my world back then.
I knew everything. The artists, the song titles, the lyrics. Now my knowledge of the music I like is basically truncated. Maybe it's because im older and have grown up and lack the vitality of youth. It's just a struggle to be an older fan of something new and popular. As people age, they tend to stick to the tunes they know from when they were coming into their own as an adult, and soon, they become stuck in the past. I dont want to be that woman, stuck in the 80's and 90's. I refuse to do it. I do know that I cannot tolerate current american music, save for a song or two here and there. I also know that I do love certain people from Taiwan and some kpop groups. But what does that make me?

Sunday, August 12, 2012


Okay, it seems my inner fangirl is having a major overload!
I'm really no good at proper reviews of things. I tend to be really simple and lack the skills to breaks things down into such great details.
This song/video was just, amazing. I loved whatever they did with their voices. Do they really have those awesome ranges, or was there technical help involved? Either way, I just really loved it. Video-wise, I thought the visuals, though simple, were brilliant and colourful. Nice touch with the Bondness going on. I think the only thing I didnt love...and this is a funny review bit...was Leeteuks hair.
And, okay, old lady squick here, but..squeals..Sungmin!
If only I wasnt so damned ancient. *sigh*
he's the same age as my oldest neice. I was 12 when she was born. I changed her diapers and *helped raise her until she was 7. Man, it just makes me feel so..old.
But anyway...LOVE LOVE LOVE the new single...even though I still think it's weird to have a repackage so soon after the original album release..unless this is normal.

 *helped raise because I lived with my sister for a long time and when I didnt, I baby sat every day.

Friday, August 10, 2012

Calming the inner fan girl

Right now? Next to impossible!!!

Jiro Wang has released a solo "rock" album and I just saw the MV for it.
Oh my god, his voice has gotten so much better. His arms more toned and defined and oh jeezus I think I might faint....

Thursday, August 9, 2012

A little something I like to call....Taiwan Madness

*side note: this will be a running entry that I will update every time I finish a new drama, not only to keep anyone who cares updated, but for me to keep track of them all.This was all originally posted on my Myspace blog, but, since Myspace is pretty much dead...I moved the list here.

In no particular order, these are the Taiwanese shows( Idol Dramas) that I have seen so far...Not that any of you really give a damn, but I think it might put into perspective how much im into these shows, when you see the list of them. However, im hoping that some of you (yeah right, this is a totally obvious ploy to get my BFF Mollie to watch them~update. Mollie is hooked!) invest some time in watching the shows.
And hey, some of you already watch anime, so I dont see what the big deal is...I mean, just pretend they're anime...stop judging me! I can see you all looking at me a certain way! lol anyway, here's the list:
(Hana Kimi through Queens are unknown dates of viewing.Though I started watching them early 2007. also, they're in no certain order.)
1. Hana Kimi~ My first Idol Drama. ahh, such fond memories. It will always have a special place in my heart!

2. It Started With a Kiss~so good, though the female lead character made me want to smack her alot. lol

3. The Rose~Tragic tragic tragic and epic, and so wonderful!

4. Mars
5. Meteor Garden
6. Meteor Garden II
7. Silence~This one was one of those "Oh my god, how could the writers do that to me?". Tragic tale. Very Epic.

8. Devil Beside You
9. Love contract~Same as Silence. HOW COULD THEY DO THAT TO ME!!??? lol

10. Peach girl
11. Marmalade boy
12. Tokyo Juliet
13. Prince Turns Into a Frog
14. Smiling Pasta
15. Starry Starry Night
16. Summer X Summer
17. Green Forest, My Home
18. Lavender
19. My Lucky Star
20. Why Why Love
21. Ying Ye 3+1
22. Queens
23. They Kissed Again ~(It started with a kiss 2) I think they could have ended it better.

24. Romantic Princess ~finished on 5/13/08. The ending was alright I suppose. It didnt suck, but it wasnt awesome either.

25. K.O.One......~FINALLY! finished 5/19/08 It had a decent ending I suppose. A little disappointing after waiting SO LONG for it, has a second season so I have that to look forward to! Lets just hope they dont take forever to upload THAT one too!

26. Brown Sugar Macchiato ~finished 5/22/08. I HIGHLY recommend this one. I loved it! so full of SO many funny things that really made me LOL. It also had enough emotional parts in it too, but not overly done.

27. Bull Fighting~Finished 5/27/08. Fairly decent. Always wonderful to see Mike He in action, though I think there werent enough kissing scenes lol. Mike He is one of the few TW drama actors that actually knows how to kiss,instead of just bumping lips like they usually do! lol

28. Bump Off Lover ~Finished 1/3/09. It was really good. Quite compelling actually, but it was another one of those heart wrenching-how-can-they-do-this-to-me? kinds of dramas.

29. Rolling Love(Go Fried Rice!) ~Finished 1/5/09. AWESOME! Because Jiro FINALLY had the leading role, and got the girl! Danson was great in this too, but im biased towards Jiro, lol. A tad on the predictable side, but I didnt mind so much, because like I said, Jiro won in the end and thats ALL that matters.

30. Miss No Good ~Finished 2/7/09. Decent. loved the actors. It was a little predictable, but good overall, except the ending was ...kinda lame/cheesy. Still worth watching though.

31. The Magicians of Love~Finished 2/17/09. LOVED IT! Ming Dao was really cute in this one. However, this was one of those tricky ones, where I think it was to have taken place over a 2 year time period or something. At any rate, quite excellent!

32. La robe de Mariee des cieux(Heaven's Wedding Gown)~Finished 2/27/09. Didnt quite love it, but didnt hate it either. I think the girl went for the wrong guy but then again im more of a Ming Dao fan than a Leon Jay Williams fan.

33. The X-Family~ FINALLY finished on 9/7/09. It was so good! So many tears! Glad that I could finally watch it, so sad that its over! I waited a year to watch it, but it was really worth the wait. It was just so amazing. There were so many hilarious parts and so many heart wrenching, tear inducing parts. There really weren't any dull moments for me!

34. ToGetHer~Finished 9/15/09. I loved it! It was so good to see Jiro play a real main role in this kind of drama. And oh my god, the hotness of him...seriously! Hotness aside, it was a good drama all in all.

35. Pi Li M.I.T. aka The Clue Collector~Finished 9/27/09. Pretty decent. It kinda brought out the mystery solving lover in me toward the end there. Also, any drama with Arron Yan in it is good in my book. However, some of the plotpoints were a little skewed but not enough to make me hate it. A little on the predictable side but I dont mind so much.

36. The legend of Brown Sugar Chivalries~Finished
11/06/09. Pretty much the same cast as Brown Sugar Macchiato. It was good I guess. WAY too predictable on the "romance" front though.Seriously, I pretty much had it figured who was gonna end up with who by the 3rd episode. *sighs* have I watched too many of these things? Probably. Am I going to stop? Probably not.

37. Momo Love~finished 7/7/10.
It was really good, then again, I pretty much love anything with Jiro Wang in it. It had it's typical ups and downs and annoying plot points but I didnt really mind so much about that. The ending was a little silly but it was a happy one. I hate tragic endings.

38. Hi, My Sweetheart~Finished 7/18/10.
Another amazing Rainie Yang show. Full of pulled heart strings. I really loved it.

39. Hot Shot~Finished 7/25/10.
Normally I wouldnt watch something like this because it revolves around sports, but I really enjoyed it. I sat there thinking, is this dance, basketball or kungfu? It made me giggle alot and of course had sad moments. One thing I have to say though...What the CRAP kinda ending was THAT?

40. Down With Love~Finished 8/5/10.
Oh my god, I dont think I could have loved Jerry Yan anymore than in this drama! It was so,so,so,so good! And of course, Ella was awesome in it too. I highly recommend this one to everyone! But I will warn you...there is one REALLY annoying character in it. I hated her! Overall, excellent series. Had a very cute ending, even if predictable.

41. Corner With Love~Finished 3/26/11.
It was pretty good, though still a bit predictable, I still recommend it though.

42. Gloomy Salad Days~Finished 4/13/11.
This one was a bit difficult to get through. All the acting was fine but the storylines were a bit choppy and it was hard to tell the timeline of this show. However, it's always nice to see Arron Yan in a leading role, and he did have some yummy parts in this drama, though not til the end of the series.
So, over all, it was just alright. Didn't love it, didn't hate it.

43. So I'm Not Handsome~Finished 4/19/11.
This was a decent, feel-good sort of Idol Drama. I enjoyed it. The perfect thing to watch if you're just looking for a lighthearted comedy, with just a smidge of romantic drama.

44. Love Buffet~Finished 5/3/11.
Ugh, where do I even begin? I didn't not like it. In fact, I loved it...until episode 9 through the ending.
Of course I like Calvin but...She chose the wrong guy! How does Arron lose to Calvin? Seriously?? Blah! Dumb, Dumb ending!

45. Fated To Love You~Finished 1/24/12.

46. Extravagant Challenge aka Skip Beat~Finished 4/17/12. At first I was all excited because it stars 2 guys from Super Junior. Then I was weirded out by the fact that they had to be dubbed because they can only speak korean. I got over that mostly. Some of the story was a bit rediculous and in the end I was a little disappointed because it ended in a bit of a plot stalemate. I just hope there is a second season to rectify the situation.

47. Absolute Boyfriend(taiwan version)~Finished 8/13/12. Okay, lets just start with Jiro Wang. Amazing as always. Looked great, performed well. Fan-gasm all over the place. On to the drama itself. I read the manga after hearing they were making a TW version of the drama and I liked it. The drama was quite good, even though they changed some plotpoints. like at the end, the leads were supposed to have sex, in the drama, they never did. Lame. Yes okay I just wanted to see Jiro half naked..or, okay, mostly naked. sue me.
They did stick to the major plot points and thats good, even though the ending was WAY different from the manga. On a 1-5 scale, I give it a 4, but only because they didnt show Jiro getting it on. *snickers* 

48. K.O.3an guo~Finished 3/1/14. First thing to note; I had no idea it was actually three seasons long because of the way it was presented on the site I watched it on. Anyway, it was actually quite good, even though there were a few things that left me unsatisfied. Cai Yi Zhen is really amazing in this one in her ability to show so much emotion. Every time she cried, it felt real. Which of course, made me start crying. I think there was a decent balance of comedy and drama in this one. I really liked it.

49. K.O. One 2 Return~Finished 3/8/14. Don't really know how I feel about this one. It was good but, the lead character in this just wasn't in it after halfway through it and the ending was too...3 minute wrap-up. It kinda fell flat for me.

50. K.O.One 3 React~Finished 10/2/14. I really liked this one! I love me some Jiro Wang Dramas, and, he was in it the whole time.

That's a lot of shows. I may have missed a couple in the list, but then again, i've seen quite a few Japanese dramas too so that may be why it feels like i've seen so many shows all together.
I know I haven't made a review of everything on my list, but give me a break! how many times do you REALLY wanna see "Loved it!" next to that list, eh?
Also, it's been so long since I saw them, so give a girl a break will ya?
Needless to say, none of them sucked, most of them rocked and several were sad endings where someone dies and the other person is left without the person they loved most in the world. I tell you, these writers are cruel, cruel people lol. A couple of them are even kinda on the dark side, leaving you sitting there going...*blink blink* "what...the...FUCK??". But, a sick,evil part of me likes that kind of thing. But only sometimes. Anyway, from here on out, I will do a little review of every program I watch. How wonderful for you eh? I know you're all just sitting there with baited breath, all tense with anticipation for another update of TW Madness! *Insert Evil Laughter here*

Hmm...what I.D. should I watch next?

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Le Sigh

Okay, i'm newly 39 years old. I get that i'm an old lady now...well, according to a lot of people, too old to be listening to the music I like. I guess people see it as creepy when someone my age is a fan of "boy bands" especially when the majority of the fanbase ranges in age between 12-18. Add to the fact that i'm white and speak only english.
I don't know all the words to my favourite songs. I dont come from a place of biases and fan chants. I am an adult and my fandom comes from an entirely different place. I see things differently. There is a fangirl inside me though. When my favourite song/group is playing, the teenaged fangirl inside me always threatens to come out.
But I have to push her aside, because gross...who wants to see an old lady spazzing out over a bunch of twenty-somethings singing and dancing on stage, working it like it's never been worked before.
I also find myself getting annoyed or defensive with people that don't understand this genre of music. There are people that hold the asian artists to american standards, and that just really bugs me, because it's a completely different culture. And im so sick of the "they're so gay" and "they look like girls" comments.
There's one guy I see at work that really chaps my ass sometimes. I tried explaining certain super groups to him like Girls Generation and Super Junior, and the way they were formed. He kept insisting it wouldnt work and that someone would cause a rift and want to break up the group and go solo. Lets just in the face met the brick wall. My inner teenager keeps pushing me to the brink with the love of Kpop and the irritation that builds at people that just dont understand.
Sometimes I question myself. Should I give up on the awesomesauce that is asian music? But then a song comes on and then im hooked all over again.
What's a girl to do? Pardon...whats a Woman to do?

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Not much new

Like the title says, not much is new. I just got back from a much needed weeks vacation. Didn't go anywhere fancy though. Just went up to stay with a friend and hang out there, though there was a visit to a new casino in Ohio.
While I was up visiting my friend, I got  a new cellphone. My very first smartphone!
Its the samsung focus 2, windows phone, and so far its pretty cool.
What I really cant wait to try out is creating a playlist for the gym.
Of course I listen to my kpop at the gym on my mp3 player, but the thing isnt an ipod and you have to keep pressing the next button to skip songs. So the fact that I can create a specific playlist now is really is the sound quality on this phone.
So excited! find some Big Bang on the zune app....

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Bad blogger

Wow, it's been awhile...a long while.
What have I been doing?
Well, I somehow managed to get sucked into, of all that is.
I've been going to the gym more, because I need to lose this weight.
And yes, im still way into Kpop.
I'm gonna try to blog more often, but my life really isnt all that exciting.
I will try not to bore you too much.